According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
My Son Approached Me, Pale and Holding My Husband’s Laptop – The Discovery He Shared Next Completely Shattered My Reality
Lana always considered herself a grounded person. As a 35-year-old mother and an avid reader of celebrity gossip, she enjoyed the escapism it offered, always with a light-hearted chuckle about how distant those stories were from her own life. Married to Jimmy, her college sweetheart, and mother to their 12-year-old son, Seth, Lana’s days were filled with the ordinary joys and challenges of family life.
However, one seemingly normal Thursday afternoon, Lana’s world was turned upside down, echoing the very gossip narratives she indulged in for entertainment. It all started when Seth, needing to finish a school project, asked to use Jimmy’s laptop because his own was updating. Jimmy, usually meticulous about his personal and work boundaries, had left his laptop at home that day, which Lana thought little of at the time.
As Seth worked at the dining table, he stumbled upon something unexpected. He found a folder not protected by the usual business-related passwords—a folder filled with personal photos that would ignite a storm of betrayal and disbelief within Lana. Concerned by what he saw, Seth called Lana over, his voice tinged with confusion and worry.
The photos Seth uncovered showed Jimmy and Lana’s sister, Maya, in a series of intimate moments—laughing over coffee, an affectionate kiss on the hand, too-close-for-comfort during family gatherings—each image a blow to Lana’s heart. Trying to maintain her composure, Lana assured Seth she would handle the situation and asked him to focus on his homework.
Over the next couple of days, Lana wrestled with her emotions and the crumbling image of her marriage. She decided to keep up appearances until she could confront Jimmy and Maya together, searching for the right moment to seek the truth.
The opportunity came when Maya, unaware of Lana’s discovery, suggested they spend a Saturday together at the spa. Throughout the day, Lana observed Maya, looking for any sign of guilt or confession, but none came. Maya was her usual bubbly self, chatting about work and future plans as if nothing was amiss.
My Son Approached Me, Pale and Holding My Husband’s Laptop – The Discovery He Shared Next Completely Shattered My Reality
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Lana always considered herself a grounded person. As a 35-year-old mother and an avid reader of celebrity gossip, she enjoyed the escapism it offered, always with a light-hearted chuckle about how distant those stories were from her own life. Married to Jimmy, her college sweetheart, and mother to their 12-year-old son, Seth, Lana’s days were filled with the ordinary joys and challenges of family life.
However, one seemingly normal Thursday afternoon, Lana’s world was turned upside down, echoing the very gossip narratives she indulged in for entertainment. It all started when Seth, needing to finish a school project, asked to use Jimmy’s laptop because his own was updating. Jimmy, usually meticulous about his personal and work boundaries, had left his laptop at home that day, which Lana thought little of at the time.
As Seth worked at the dining table, he stumbled upon something unexpected. He found a folder not protected by the usual business-related passwords—a folder filled with personal photos that would ignite a storm of betrayal and disbelief within Lana. Concerned by what he saw, Seth called Lana over, his voice tinged with confusion and worry.
The photos Seth uncovered showed Jimmy and Lana’s sister, Maya, in a series of intimate moments—laughing over coffee, an affectionate kiss on the hand, too-close-for-comfort during family gatherings—each image a blow to Lana’s heart. Trying to maintain her composure, Lana assured Seth she would handle the situation and asked him to focus on his homework.
Over the next couple of days, Lana wrestled with her emotions and the crumbling image of her marriage. She decided to keep up appearances until she could confront Jimmy and Maya together, searching for the right moment to seek the truth.
The opportunity came when Maya, unaware of Lana’s discovery, suggested they spend a Saturday together at the spa. Throughout the day, Lana observed Maya, looking for any sign of guilt or confession, but none came. Maya was her usual bubbly self, chatting about work and future plans as if nothing was amiss.
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That evening, back at Lana’s house, as they sat down for a family dinner—with Jimmy joining after what he claimed was a long day at the office—the tension was palpable to Lana. After the meal, while she was getting dessert, she overheard Maya and Jimmy in the kitchen discussing their situation. Maya’s words, “We can’t keep this from her anymore. It’s wrong,” confirmed the betrayal.
Confronting them then and there, Lana demanded the truth. The explanations that followed were fraught with excuses and apologies. Maya and Jimmy tried to justify their actions, claiming a deep connection that had unintentionally evolved beyond familial bonds. Lana, devastated yet resolute, realized the depth of their betrayal and decided it was time to reevaluate her marriage and her relationship with her sister.
In the weeks that followed, Lana and Jimmy attended counseling sessions, but the trust that had once underpinned their marriage was irreparably damaged. They agreed on a temporary separation, giving each other space to reflect on their future. Seth, deeply hurt by the revelations, struggled to interact with his father, feeling betrayed by the role model he had looked up to.
As Lana navigated through the aftermath of the discovery, she was forced to confront the reality that life could indeed be as unpredictable and dramatic as the stories in her gossip columns. She focused on healing and finding a path forward for herself and Seth, believing in the resilience of the human spirit and the importance of honesty and communication in mending the wounds of betrayal.
This poignant episode in Lana’s life serves as a stark reminder that no one is immune to life’s unexpected turns and that strength often comes from facing harsh truths head-on.
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