According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
On Their 50th Anniversary, Husband Comes Home & Sees That His Wife Has Put All His Belongings Out on the Street
A woman is angry and hurt when her husband forgets their 50th wedding anniversary and throws his belongings in the gutter — until he comes home with an unusual excuse.
Betty Carmichael was sure her husband had forgotten their anniversary yet again, only this time she wasn’t going to take it lying down. She had been married to Donald for fifty years and she deserved better!
She had stood by his side through thick and thin and given him three children and the best years of her life, and what did she get? Not even a bouquet of ratty daisies, let alone red roses.
Donald hadn’t brought Betty flowers in years. | Source: Pexels
Betty looked at the wall clock and frowned. 21:30. He hadn’t even bothered to come home for the special dinner she’d prepared! This was the last straw!
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and doubt wears away at the love that holds it together.
Two hours later, Betty heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway and smiled grimly. Donald wasn’t going to enjoy his evening, not one little bit.
She immediately heard a shout: “BETTY! What is going on here!”
She marched outside and stood on the porch, her fists on her hips. “What do you want?” she asked.
Betty prepared a romantic dinner but Donald didn’t come home. | Source: Unsplash
Donald was standing in the garden and he looked very angry. He pointed a finger at an old worn-out recliner sitting on the lawn along with several boxes of books and bric-a-brac.
“What are my things doing out on the lawn?” he asked. “Have you run mad, woman?”
“Mad!” screamed Betty, and the lights went on in the house next door. “You are the one who must be mad! Do you have Alzheimer’s or amnesia? I’m kicking you out. I’m divorcing you!”
“Divorcing me?” gasped Donald, flabbergasted. “I’m seventy-eight years old and you’re seventy-five and you want a DIVORCE?”
“Yes!” cried Betty angrily. “Do you think that just because I’m seventy-five I’m no longer a woman? That you can take me for granted? Well, I won’t let you!”
Betty was sure Donald didn’t love her anymore. | Source: Pexels
“Betty,” Donald said. “Be reasonable. What is this all about?”
“You forgot our anniversary AGAIN!” Betty said angrily. “We’ve been together for fifty years and I have to remind you of my birthday. I understand you weren’t there, but you were definitely there for the wedding!”
“Bets,” Donald protested. “That was the happiest day of my life…”
“Then why don’t you remember it?” Betty asked. “Why don’t you bring me flowers or take me dancing? You don’t love me anymore. You haven’t loved me in years.”
Donald shook his head. “I love you, Betty,” he said. “You are the love of my life…”
Betty brought Donald’s favorite chair out in the street. | Source:Source: Unsplash
“Then why didn’t you come home for dinner?” Betty asked. “I made a special dinner and lit candles and set out flowers and you didn’t show up! Where were you? Out with another woman?”
Donald grinned. “Yes,” he said and stepped aside. Standing there was a slim girl in her twenties with Betty’s blue eyes and Donald’s wide smile.
“Hannah!” Betty cried and ran down the steps. She would have fallen if Donald hadn’t caught her. She threw her arms around the girl and started crying.
“Oh, Hannah,” she sobbed. “It’s been too long! I’ve missed you so much!”
Hannah came to visit her grandparents. | Source: Unsplash
“Hi, Gran Betty,” Hannah said. “I’m sorry we were so late, but my flight was delayed. Poor Gran Donald waited for hours!”
Betty turned to her husband. “You knew she was coming and you didn’t tell me?” she protested.
“I didn’t KNOW,” Donald said triumphantly. “I arranged it! It was supposed to have been your anniversary surprise, but the flight was late… You’ve been complaining about how much you miss your only grandchild, so I sent her a plane ticket!”
“Oh, Don!” Betty cried, and put her arms around her husband. “I’m sorry! I thought… I started thinking crazy things…”
Donald and Betty renewed their vows. | Source: Unsplash
“Betty,” Donald said tenderly. “I haven’t looked at another woman in fifty years and I’m not about to start now.”
“Donald,” Betty said. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“I don’t know,” Don said. “But I can tell you we’re going to have a hell of a time getting all my stuff back in the house where it belongs!”
With Hannah’s help, Don and Betty got everything tidied up and sat down for a midnight snack. “By the way,” Donald said. “I have another surprise for you. Tomorrow night we’re having a party with all our children and all our friends. I’ve arranged for Father Bartholomew to be there so we can renew our vows.”
Betty and Donald had a wonderful anniversary party. | Source: Unsplash
“But what am I going to wear?” gasped Betty.
“I don’t know about the dress, but I have a ring!” Don said, then he dropped down to one knee and pulled out a little jewelry box. “Betty Delancy Carmichael, will you marry me again?”
The next day, the Carmichaels celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary in style and Betty looked lovely in a pretty cream suit and a little veil. As Donald kissed her, she vowed never to doubt him again as long as she lived.
What can we learn from this story?
- Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and doubt wears away at the love that holds it together. Betty started imagining that Don didn’t love her anymore, and didn’t realize he had a sweet surprise for her.
- Marriage is about every single day, not just the special occasions. Betty forgot that Don was there for every difficult day and stood by her through thick and thin.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who was shocked and hurt when his wife of thirty years asked for a divorce even though he’d always been a faithful husband.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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