According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
Inside the love story of Hasnat Khan and Princess Diana
Princess Diana was known for her heartfelt visits to hospitals, where she brought joy and hope to those in need.
However, one visit turned into something far more — a passionate love affair that remained shrouded in secrecy for years.
It’s 1995 – just two months prior to the infamous Panorama interview that would forever alter Diana’s life. You might remember that interview, when Princess Diana came clean about her struggles with mental health and the trials of her marriage, capturing the world’s empathy.
Two months before that interview, Diana crossed paths with a handsome doctor, a Muslim whose dark good looks were compared to the charming actor Omar Sharif.
The dashing heart surgeon, Dr. Hasnat Khan, worked at the Royal Brompton Hospital in London. But how did this unlikely pair end up together?
Well, that’s because Joe Toffolo, the patient who underwent surgery, was married to Oonagh Shanley-Toffolo, an Irish nun and acupuncturist who was a close confidante of Princess Diana.
After the initial visit, Diana returned to the hospital almost daily for three weeks, eager to pursue the handsome surgeon. The connection was electric.
Smoked cigarettes and loved KFC
Today, when we look back at countless photos of Diana visiting the hospital, it’s officially stated that she went to cheer up sick children or raise awareness for cystic fibrosis.
That’s definitely true. However, she also had personal reasons. Beneath the surface, her motivations were deeply personal. Because at 35, Diana had discovered a reason to smile once more.
(Photo by Stan Karczmarz/Sygma via Getty Images)
When Diana and Khan started seeing each other, it marked Diana’s most serious involvement since her separation from Prince Charles three years earlier.
But it came shrouded in secrecy. Few knew about their budding romance, a bond that seemed improbable at first glance. Dr. Khan, then 37, was a heart surgeon
that was running fat and smoked a pack of cigarettes a day,
He had penchant for late-night jazz clubs and Kentucky Fried Chicken — an unconventional match for the Princess of Wales.
But this didn’t stop Diana.
”He’s drop-dead gorgeous,” Diana reportedly told Oonagh Toffolo.
Secret messages
To keep their love under wraps, Diana cleverly disguised her messages for Khan, using the alias ”Dr. Armani.” They met in secret, often in unconventional spots to avoid prying eyes.
On one occasion, Diana donned a black wig to sneak into Ronnie Scott’s, a famous jazz club in Soho. In another instance, Khan hid in the boot of a car to slip into Kensington Palace, aided by Diana’s loyal butler, Paul Burrell.
Their romance flourished even during casual outings.
One day, when Diana was feeling low, Khan whisked her away to a pub near Harefield Hospital where he had worked. The name? The Prince of Wales.
”She thought it was hilarious,” he recalled with a chuckle.
Diana was so enamored that she even asked her butler to find a priest who could marry them, despite Khan’s Muslim faith. Their love deepened as they spent time together, sharing laughter and discovering each other’s worlds.
Diana reportedly read books on Islam and cherished a photograph of “my dishy doctor.” She even visited Khan’s family in Lahore, Pakistan, where she embraced their culture and enjoyed a delightful afternoon tea.
Met William and Harry
This whirlwind romance took a more serious turn when Diana introduced Khan to her sons, William and Harry.
She described him as “Mr. Wonderful” and, according to her butler Burrell, she referred to Khan as her soulmate. Friends of Diana stated that he was ”the love of her life” and that she expressed distress when their relationship ended.
Yet, as love stories often go, their fairytale faced obstacles.
The mounting pressure from the media began to take a toll on their relationship. While Diana was accustomed to the limelight, for Khan, the intense scrutiny was daunting.
He feared that pursuing their relationship publicly could jeopardize his career.
They discussed possible solutions, including moving to Pakistan — a plan that nearly came to fruition. Talks of relocating to Australia or South Africa were also on the table, but nothing materialized. According to The Guardian, Diana’s desire for public acknowledgment clashed with Khan’s reluctance, leading to a heartbreaking conclusion: the romance ended in July 1997.
Khan finds out about Dodi
Just a month later, tragedy struck. In the early hours of August 31, 1997, Diana died in a car crash in Paris, alongside her partner Dodi Fayed and their driver, Henri Paul.
Khan was blindsided by the news of Diana’s relationship with Dodi, discovering it only after it became public. ”When I found out, I was really mad; mad as hell,” he confessed in a 2012 interview.
Khan attended her funeral at Westminster Abbey.
The shadow of her tragic death looms over him still. “Sometimes I feel like screaming,” Khan shared, reflecting on the emotional turmoil. “There have been very bad times. I have moved on, but it keeps coming back.”
Despite the heartbreak, Khan fondly remembers Diana: ”We all have our drawbacks, but I found her a very normal person with great qualities and some personal drawbacks, like bad habits.”
Hasnat Khan today
In 2006, Khan married Hadia Sher Ali, a 28-year-old woman descended from Afghan royalty, but the couple divorced two years later.
He now lives in the UK, continuing his work as a heart surgeon and engaging in humanitarian efforts in Pakistan and Saudi Arabia.
Reflecting on his life, Khan shared: ”It is very good to be home. I am quite relieved to be home. My blood pressure is stable—I go fishing, I go for walks. It feels like a sanctuary. It’s very peaceful.”
Though the romance between Princess Diana and Dr. Hasnat Khan was short-lived, it remains an interesting chapter in her life, a testament to the complexity of love in the face of royal duty and public scrutiny.
As we remember the Princess, we celebrate not just her legacy, but also the love she shared with a man who saw her for who she truly was—a normal person with extraordinary qualities.
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